did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
