omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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