I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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