i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
