Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
