Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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