I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
