two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
