grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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