A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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