He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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