i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
