If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
