hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
