I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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