Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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