Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
