Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
