come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
