Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
