i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
