I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Randomize
