My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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