Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
