I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
