when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
