have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
