There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
