You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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