I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
