Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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