I wish I could teleport
Umm I'm too high to move.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
