flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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