At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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