do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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