im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
