After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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