what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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