i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
