R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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