you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
