I think I died a long time ago.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How does one acquire holy water?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
