News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Did we literally take a cab across the street
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
