"it" just moved
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
