so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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