Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
