508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
