My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
