I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
did i walk over a car last night?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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