I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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