I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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